This week I spent a heavenly day relaxing in the Spa at the Slieve Donard in Newcastle. It’s been a long time since I stayed in the hotel, and as a child I remember loving going there because everything was so big and grand. I was looking forward to a distraction free day, but I shocked myself by how much I craved sharing what I was doing digitally!
So i got to thinking, how reliant am I on technology? I always was a pretty serious texter but I must admit, since I got a smartphone (something I swore I would never do) I am a Facebook addict. Not only that but I tweet, I check-in and I hashtag my #thoughts and #actions. As I lay in the darkened relaxation room after my treatment (an excellent facial) I was reading my new Kindle (which, by the way I am in love with) I had to resist the urge to check Facebook (because apparently you can do that on the new Kindle 3G, who knew?!) Why am I so obsessed with being connected? I was perfectly content in that room, reading my book, relaxing music in my ears. Why was I being tempted by Facebook? Why was I not content to live my life in real time? I wanted to live it online too- to share it with cyberspace
I think it lies in some of my own insecurities. I feel like I need others to give myself worth, but I have often felt like I am not seen. Not the funniest, not the prettiest, not the most intelligent. I think it’s the curse of being a woman, we all have our little insecurities that we know are completely unreasonable, but we indulge them anyway! It’s not as if i’m afraid of my own company. I don’t mind being on my own, in fact I actually quite enjoy solitude and space to be alone with my thoughts, however if life is not shared with others what joy is there in it? It’s like playing an award winning one man show to an empty theatre. Having an audience there doesn’t make the content of the show better or worse, but sharing it with others is what makes the performance worthwhile. The things that I do in my life aren’t going to be more spectacular just because there’s someone there to tell about them, but it does make life a bit more fun. And lets face it, a play of my life would be award winning!!
When I was in Ibiza with 24/7 prayer this summer I got to meet a lot of new and interesting people. As a way to get to know each other we each got to ask a question every time we were at the dinner table (mainly because that was the easiest place to get everyone together at once!) The questions ranged from silly things like your favourite colour, to the deep stuff like your greatest fear. My favourite question, which I still don’t really have an answer to was;
‘If you were a stick of rock, what words would be written in your core’
You see there are a lot of things I like; cricket, Holby City, cheese, violin, my friends, literature, skiing, chutneys, shooting, excellent food. All good things and all part of who I am, but I don’t think any of these things are what makes me ME at the core of my being.
Two things that make me tick are community and conversation. I love people, especially interesting people and save my old history teacher I have yet to meet an uninteresting person. I love hearing peoples stories and I love just being with people, it lifts my spirits and makes me feel like I belong somewhere, which I think is important.
I find nursing homes the most wonderful and depressing places on the planet. Wonderful because of all that life experience, all that knowlege, all those stories in one place and depressing because they are just sitting on wipe down armchairs with birds in cages waiting for the end. Whenever I think about how I would like my life to turn out, I never see the perfect house, the dream wedding, the wonderful husband and the 2.3 children and a dog. Instead I think about the places i'd like to go, the people I would like to meet and the things I'd like to discover. When I'm old and I look back at my life and the person i've become I want to think 'yea, I had a great time on this wonderful, awe-inspiring and diverse planet.'