You were created to love and be loved

World on Mute

2012-02-07T18:59:00.000Z

It's like someone put a veil around me, a shroud of uncertainty and isolation. The world, usually in technicolour, seems somehow dulled. The mist engulfing the city tonight engulfs me too, pulling me into its unsearchable depths. My heart aches, my eyes feel heavy, like my soul.
The river courses its gentle stream as I walk beside her, unaware of the raging torrents of emotion contained inside me. One foot in front of the other I carry on walking. I want to walk into the mist, to disappear from everything, to leave my responsibilities behind me. I want to leave the Lagan to her ageless journey.
I envy her.
She knows where she starts and where she ends, coming to the final few meanders of her path here at the mouth of the ford where her secrets become the lough's; where the lough becomes the sea. Her path laid out before her every step of the way. But me? I wander at her shore on the edge of a knife, veiled and muffled.
One foot in front of the other is all I can manage tonight.

You have the capacity to be incredible!

2012-02-05T18:36:00.001Z

I have just watched I have Never Forgotten you: The life and Legacy of Simon Wiesenthal and I have never wept so much at a documentary before. This man was exceptional.

Friday 27th January was Holocaust Memorial Day and I did a few lessons on it with some of my classes in school that week. When I was researching information I came across this man Simon Wiesenthal the 'Nazi Hunter', I recognised the name but I didn't know who he was. I've only just got round to watching the documentary I found on him and I am so glad I did! His story moved me immensely; he encapsulated the grief of an entire generation lost at the hands of the Nazi's. He raised a daughter who would never have anyone to call auntie, uncle, cousin, grandmother, grandfather. He continued remembering and fighting for justice for those he was never able to forget. And he kept going even when people accused him of making the holocaust up, refused to believe the things he went through and spat at him on the street. Because of this unrelenting vision he had it is possible to quote the paragraph below from the aforementioned documentary:

“Without Simon Wiesenthal’s activity, there would not be war crimes trials today. The reason that there is a permanent UN war crimes tribunal in the Hague is directly attributable to the work that Simon Wiesenthal began in 1946. No one had a more stacked deck against them than Simon Wiesenthal who came out of the holocaust with nothing, nobody, was 99lb and barely alive and with that he wouldn’t give up. To me that’s the lesson of Simon Wiesenthal; that one person if they want to and if they try can make a difference. He made a difference to the world”

For me the year 2012 will always be synonymous with the Olympics, but I want it to be much more than that. I want it to be a momentous personal year. I'll never win a gold medal, but I want to do amazing things, see amazing places, spend amazing times with great friends. So i'm keeping an 'Olympic diary' of all the really cool things I'm going to make a conscious effort to do this year. But after watching this documentary I think i'm also going to add 'find out amazing things that people have done' to the 'Olympic year' list.

Human beings are capable of incredible things, in the same way they are capable of unspeakable things. It is up to us to be incredible in order to prevent the unspeakable from happening in our world! You have a voice, and if you want to, if you try, you CAN make a difference!!

If you were here beside me...

2012-01-24T22:04:00.000Z

I can't explain what Snow Patrol's music does to me. Gary Lightbody is the best lyricist of the decade, hands down! There is just no arguing with me on this point!
To write a blog about how much I love Snow Patrol would never do my feelings justice, so I won't try. I'll just say that last night was a special experience, and as long as Gary is up there, it always will be!

"I miss it all from the Lough to the Lagan
and the lack of it splits me in two"
-New York

I just love the way he writes. His music is laced with Northern Irish idioms, you're listening to an amazing song and them BOOM, there's references to 'The Lagan', 'Ireland in the World Cup' and setting 'Fire to the third bar' The way he describes emotions is so beautiful it sometimes takes my breath away. Seeing Snow Patrol is always a profoundly spiritual experience for me, the lyrics are so special. It's like he sees into my soul and sings at exactly the frequency that makes it hum.

That is all I have to say.

Silent Conversation

2012-01-18T22:53:00.004Z

"Words may be less important than I'd previously imagined."

Over the past few months it has become very clear to me that I love conversation. I long for words.Words feed my soul, they make me feel relevant, they make me feel human, they make me feel wonderfully infinite and completely inconsequential all at the same time! I cannot feel fully alive in a world without discourse.
Chat, dialogue, Pow-wow, debate; call it what you will, I will talk to you about anything! Made in Chelsea, Shakespeare, Celebrity Big Brother, Particle Physics advances in CERN; I'm not fussy, but please don't say nothing!

In pre-Islamic Arab society a person commanded respect based on their command over words. For them words literally were power. The Qur'an talks a lot about the power of words and the eternal consequences of them, so does the Bible. And I guess that I really do believe that words are power. As the most beloved headmaster of Hogwarts once said;

Words are our most inexhaustible source of magic.

I have just been to see the silent movie 'The Artist' in the QFT. I'm not very good at writing reviews of things, but I really loved this film. It was a beautifully told story with an exceptional score and I enjoyed it more than I expected to!
I didn't miss the dialogue and the story was perfectly relevant and moving and enjoyable without it. Humans really are the most wonderful creatures- although this film also has an exceptional dog! If you get a chance I would really encourage you to go and see The Artist. If you heard 'silent movie' and were put off I encourage you to think again.

Tonight was good.

And while I crave and long for conversation; I am willing to admit that there is, perhaps, more value in silence than I previously gave it credit for.

From the Lough

2012-01-17T21:45:00.001Z

The flat light swallows the line between sea and sky
and the hazy grey horizon holds it's secrets.

Dreaming of times long passed
The cranes lie sleeping

Silent steel and rope and rivets
inhabit their memories

Giants that built Giants,
White Star Liners and men

Thousands upon thousands of men
streaming through the gates as the siren summons

Silent now, a shadow of what was before.
2012 will resurrect her memory

But memory will not bring life
Not like before

In the flat grey light
The Giants keep their watch
and the Lough keeps her secrets.

My Everest

2012-01-08T00:29:00.017Z

Along with my early mornings and book reading; another thing I have taken up this year is running. I’ve always wanted to run a marathon, i’m thinking this year might be my year. If you know me you will know how much of a ridiculous challenge this is going to be!

My fascination with marathons began when I read Paula Radcliffe’s autobiography, she quickly became my favourite British athlete and that book started my love affair with autobiographies.

So this morning at 9am (an hour I rarely see on Saturdays) I got up, forced my sleepy little toes into my trainers and set off for my first run on the roads in Belfast. Marathon runners are, in my opinion, alongside rowers and gymnasts; the hardest working and most awe inspiring atheletes of them all.

I am not a marathon runner

But I have a problem. I want to do everything! If I had a hundred lifetimes on this earth it still would not be enough to do all the things I want to do and accomplish all the things I want to accomplish.
Marathon runners are driven, highly motivated, unbelievably disciplined... these are not really characteristics that spring to mind about me and my life! In fact i’ve started a lot of things with the best intentions only to leave them by the wayside in a few weeks

List of things I have started in my life but never finished;
-NaNoWriMo; Writing a novel in a month (twice)
-Learning Latin
-Started learning the piano/ tin whistle/ Bodhran
-Various cross stitch boxes
-Paint by numbers
-Reading The Bible in a year
-War and Peace (I just couldn’t do it)

2012 is my year! I can feel it. It’s an Olympic year, the culmination of years of training by Olympic hopefuls, the pinnacle of their careers. If someone can train for a decade for a chance at a medal, I can get off my ass for 5 months and train to run for 5 or 6 hours.... Oh dear goodness who am i kidding? This is going to be tough, but i’m determined to do this.

I’ll be raising money for SANDS and Life after Loss, two charities that help families in Northern Ireland cope with the tragedies of stillborn or neo-natal deaths.

www.lifeafterloss.org.uk/site
www.sandsni.org

Today when I was running (a measly 2.4 miles) and my body was telling me I needed to stop, I was thinking about Bear Grylls, who’s book about climbing Everest brings my total this year to #3.

My Father was the Base Camp Manager on the First Irish Everest Expedition in 1993 and I have heard countless Everest stories from him and his friend Dawson Stelfox (who successfully summited on 27th May 1993, becoming the first Irish man to climb the mountain) but until I read this book I really had no idea how hard it was to climb Everest! Possibly quite naïve of me, but I really never really considered just how hard it was to reach the top of the world. No amount of cash or medical advances can get you up there. You cannot be dropped off by helicopter because the air is too thin for the blades to catch, you cannot parachute from a plane, it is too high, and for every 6 people that summit 1 dies trying! The only way you can get to the top of the world is by sheer will/man power and a slice of luck.

Whenever I got to the part in Facing Up when Bear reached the top I burst into tears. I don’t cry a lot and I hadn’t even been feeling emotional throughout the book but I had been up that mountain with him, I had felt his pain and frustration, shared in the worry of his family and spurred him on when the going was hard. Whenever he reached the top I was there with him and I don’t know why, but it moved me. I asked my dad what Dawson said when he reached the summit and he told me these exact words which can be found in the book Everest Calling (an account of the 1993 Irish expedition)

... Dermot, the altimeter is reading 8848m and I'm sitting on the summit of the world.
... Dawson listen to me - you're the tallest man in the world ... and you've just made the first Irish ascent of Mount Everest and the first British ascent o f the North Ridge - absolutely magnificent achievement Dawson - we're surrounded here by people - Irish, Nepalese and Tibetan, everyone offering congratulations.

I am not insane enough to desire to scale the heights of the Himalyas, but if Bear Grylls can climb Everest after breaking his back just a few years earlier I would like to try to run 26 miles! Running a Marathon is my Everest and I can’t think of anything that could motivate me more than being able to raise money for these two charities.

Whenever I feel like I can’t go any further I think of Paula Radcliffe and her commitment, Bear Grylls and his determination and my baby cousin Max who I never got to meet.

I have a feeling that 2012 is my year.

The Early Bird Catches the Worm

2012-01-04T16:13:00.002Z

I am a self proclaimed night owl. Mornings? Not my thing. Anyone who has ever lived with me or seen me in the morning can testify to this. On weekdays I usually roll myself out of bed at the latest possible moment, running out the door with both shoes just about matching, no time for breakfast. Stopping at the traffic lights involves frantically rubbing the foundation streaks off the side of my face because I threw it on in a half asleep daze. The 25 minute journey to school is just about enough time to allow me to feel semi-ready to face the day!

I can imagine the shock and surprise on my mothers face if she had been in my house this morning. My alarm went off at 6.50 and I pulled back the covers, exposing my toasty limbs to the freezing blast of air outside the duvet; a full 40 minutes before it was totally necessary. I showered and went downstairs where the timer on my coffee maker had prepared me some warm, delicious roast Columbian. I had a bowl of cereal and for 20 glorious minutes sat with my back to the radiator, Bear Grylls in hand, sipping coffee and reading. I left the house at 8.00 after properly applying my face for the day and arrived in school early enough to get a parking space (very rare for me) and mark some work before my form class came through the door.

Bliss.

I loved it, I still hate mornings, but this morning as I drove up the motorway I felt ready for a day, instead of my usual general annoyance that it’s still dark and darkness is for sleeping!

I guess you can call this a new years resolution, and it’s going to be very beneficial if I plan on actually taking a decent stab at this 100 books in a year thing. And on that note i'm off to the gym, let's hope this shiny new enthusiam lasts...

Flitting Things

2012-01-03T21:17:00.006Z

I have a pretty addictive personality. It’s just a part of who I am, I don’t really know why I get addicted to the things i’m addicted to, but as long as it’s not crack cocaine or something I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to live with it!

When I was 16 I wouldn’t leave the house on a Saturday night unless I had set the tape recorder (yes, good old VHS) for Casualty and knew my best friend was also recording it, you know just incase mine didn’t work or I missed a few minutes off the start or the end! This was back before the days of the miracle invention that is iPlayer! But I literally would not leave the house unless I knew there were two machines taping it!
Obsessed.
I even wanted to become a paramedic for a while until I realised I didn’t really like gore and I’m not that great in medical emergency situations, I tend to flap about a lot! But where is this going you ask me?
well... my latest obsession, though I’m going to use the word fascination here, is with the Amish! I’ve been watching the Channel 4 series ‘Living with the Amish’ and I’m hooked! The way other people live their lives has always intrigued me, be it in a religious order, in cultural antithesis to me or just in a different geographical location. I’ve said it once and i’ll say it a million times people fascinate me!

The Amish live their lives so close to the rest of the world yet they are so separated from it. They wear simple clothes, work really hard, have simple pleasures and for the most part they seem really happy. They genuinely like what they do and how they live their lives. I think sometimes I envy that simple life that they have, no credit card bills to pay, no Facebook to waste their lives on, the knowledge that there’s a huge extended network out there of people who are willing to give you a hand with things, just because it’s the right thing to do.
But then communities like this make me angry because they are depriving their children of a chance to see how wonderful the world really is. Yes there is joy and beauty in the stillness of the woods and creeks in Pensylvania and Ohio but there is also joy in the bustling city and the roaring ocean. There are other cultures, other sights, sounds and tastes.

“Taste and see that the Lord is Good” Psalm 34:8

I want to taste and see everything wonderful that God has created on this earth. I want to go to the desert in Africa and look up on a cloudless night to see the heavens teaming with uncountable, unreachable stars that seem so close you could touch them. I want to stand at the top of the Empire State building and look out over the most famous concrete jungle in the world, and see the city dwellers carry on below. I want to climb to the top of Macu Piccu and hear the Peruvian jungle hum with life, just like it did when the Inca’s lived there. I want to see the architecture in St.Petersburg and in The Vatican marvel at the roof of the Sistine Chapel. There is too much good on this earth to spend a lifetime in one small corner of it.

The book I finished reading today (#2) was the autobiography of Elissa Wall, a girl who escaped the strict regime of the Fundamentalist Later Day Saints (FLDS) a breakaway sect of the Mormon Church who practice Polygamy. She was married at 14, abused by her husband, manipulated by the ‘church’, suffered multiple miscarriages and escaped the FLDS community at age 18.

Stolen Innocence tells the story of her childhood, the beliefs of the FLDS movement and her life after escape. The book was disturbing to me in many ways. It does not surprise me that people can be as brainwashed as she was before she realised she needed to leave, and neither does it surprise me that their Leader Warren Jeffs (who is currently in prison) could be so cold, manipulative and repulsive. What did surprise me however was seeing that even when she knew something was terribly wrong, as did many others around her, she still didn’t think she could leave. The hold the FLDS had and still has to this day on their community is frightening. When I read about religious cults like this it helps me think about my own beliefs.
Jesus being born of a virgin, walking on water and rising from the dead are all pretty bizarre things. But then i look at Christianity and I see the freedom that can be found in Christ, the grace, the humility, the total transformation that being a follower of Jesus can cause. There was no freedom in Elissa’s early life, and even though she has escaped the FLDS and started a family of her own, she still grieves for the people she loves who are still inside the closely guarded community, who are still under the control of manipulative men and young girls who will go through the same ordeal that she suffered.

I don’t have all the answers and I certainly don’t claim to know all there is to know about what others believe and what they don’t. But I like what Emily Dickinson once said;

“Opinion is a flitting thing, but truth outlasts the sun”

Will Grayson Will Grayson

2012-01-02T21:32:00.000Z

Book #1 Will Grayson Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan
I love good young adult (YA) fiction and this book is one such example. Co-authored by two of YA's finest authors it is a triumph of wit, grit and substance. The story is about two boys, from different areas, who both happen to be in the same place for long enough to meet. They are both called Will Grayson. One Will Grayson is authored by John Green (Paper Towns, Looking for Alaska) and the other by David Levithan (Nick and Norah's infinite playlist) and the narrative is told chapter about. The novel explores being gay, being in love, getting through high school and the difficulties associated with the aforementioned things. It's pretty hilarious and I laughed out loud on more than one occasion.

Will Grayson (whose name is always capitalised) is trying to live his life without being noticed, which is hard when your best friend is a 6ft 6" American Football player called Tiny, who is also the gayest boy in school and writing a musical about his life!
will grayson, who is never capitalised (in fact there is no capitalisation in his chapters) is on medication for depression and the only person he has found who understands him is a boy he's friends with online named issac.

I flew through this one, the narrative was witty, the characters completely three dimensional and there were some cracker quotes. My favourite character was a smart indie girl called Jane who makes every scene she is in utterly brilliant. Will Grayson says of her;

"Sometimes I think, like, God, she's superhot and smart and kind of pretentious but the pretentiousness just makes me kind of want her, and then other times I think it's an amazingly bad idea, that dating you would be like a series of unnecessary root canals interspersed with occasional makeout sessions."

and she says of herself;
"'There are probably some girls who don't want guys to show up at their house randomly on a Tuesday night with questions about Edward Schrödinger. I am sure such girls exist. But they don't live at my house.'"

She almost made the book for me! But my favourite quote came near the end;

"This is why we call people exes, i guess -- because the paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end. it's too easy to see an X as a cross-out. it's not, because there's no way to cross out something like that. the X is a diagram of two paths."

I really loved that, because I've always hated the term ex to describe someone who's been a part of your life. Just because they aren't in your life in the role they once were doesn't mean they aren't important in the story of the person you have become. It's a very sad two letters, like you've lost a part of yourself when the relationship ends. But actually I don't think that's true. I love the image of a relationship being a diagram of two paths, which meet in the middle for a while and then journey on. I found it pretty beautiful if i'm honest. It's not a cross out, it's not a mistake or a failure, it's just a reference point on the path of your life, a map that shows who you've become and how you got to that place.
That's nice.

N.B. I always love reading the acknowledgements page at the end of a book, and hidden in here was one that said; 'we acknowledge that being the person God made you cannot separate you from God's love'
There was no mention of anything like this in the novel itself and I really liked it hidden in here amongst all the others (which are pretty funny).

Of shorelines, ambles and good friends

2012-01-02T00:37:00.001Z

I had a wonderful New Years Day.
Sundays are always 'friend' day, I usually end up spending around 8 hours with friends on a Sunday and it always sets me up nicely for the week. I can go into Monday knowing that whatever happens that week I have amazing people around who will be there for me! Today began with an amble around Helens Bay and lunch in the Crawfordsburn Inn, which is beautiful. Then a trip to see the 'Girl With the Dragon Tattoo' which didn't disappoint, followed by a delicious dinner of lamb with dauphenois (sp?) potatoes and red cabbage cooked by the glorious hand of our friend Matt.

I was never a really big one for resolutions, but i've been looking forward to 2012 for a long time... from the 6th July 2005 to be exact. I was 16, doing a summer mission, sitting in a church hall, eating lunch on the Cregagh Road (little knowing i'd be living there in 5 years) when I heard the news that London had won the 2012 Olympic bid. To say I was excited was an understatement. Some people like trains, some people like birds or chess or pressing flowers... I like the Olympics! I think I ran around the room a few times and jumped up and down, I was planning my summer 2012 way back in 2005.
I can't quite believe the year is here, back when I was 16 being 23 seemed ancient, and here I am, still feeling some days that I am still 16! So what do I hope for 2012, the year I've been waiting for?

There's so much I can't really even begin to blog it! Maybe i'll make a list, because that’s what you do at the end of years, and then you make a list for what’s going to happen in the next one. I like lists. I find myself making them quite often. Top 5 films, books, songs, foods... I could make a list of lists I like to make! Because I don't really like resolutions here's a reflection list

what i’ve learnt about myself in 2011

1. People actually like me and I shouldn't be afraid to be myself.
2. I can play the violin, badly
3. It's true when they say Latin is very hard to learn!
4. I don't really like Barrys in Portrush (I went for the first time)
5. I found a group of people in church who really 'get me'
6. I am getting better at writing- I had a piece of my work published
7. Joining a gym isn't hard, going as often as you should is!
8. Nothing can ever prepare you for the death of a child, and there is nothing that can be said to make anything better.
9. God is eternally faithful and even though I don’t always understand, or even know exactly what I believe, he is a good God.
10. Radio 4 kicks ass!
11. That end of term feeling is even better as a teacher than a pupil
12. Life isn’t always simple, but it’s much too short to live in bitterness or regret.
13. Love is complicated
14. I really like chilli cheese fries from Bens Chilli Bowl on U Street in Washington DC
15. Nothing makes a school more than a friendly staffroom!
16. Say no sometimes- otherwise you will be standing by the side of a swimming pool in Ballymena on a Saturday morning with a stop watch at a gala!
17. A whole bottle of wine will give you a headache the next morning!

The thing with lists is ending them, this one could go on for a while. So I will finish on 17.

My hope for 2012 is that I would be happy, that I would be employed and the one challenge I am setting myself (it's a tall one) is to read 100 books this year. Hopefully this will give me some blogging ammunition

Reflections at the foot of Slieve Donard

2011-12-31T19:59:00.000Z

This week I spent a heavenly day relaxing in the Spa at the Slieve Donard in Newcastle. It’s been a long time since I stayed in the hotel, and as a child I remember loving going there because everything was so big and grand. I was looking forward to a distraction free day, but I shocked myself by how much I craved sharing what I was doing digitally!

So i got to thinking, how reliant am I on technology? I always was a pretty serious texter but I must admit, since I got a smartphone (something I swore I would never do) I am a Facebook addict. Not only that but I tweet, I check-in and I hashtag my #thoughts and #actions. As I lay in the darkened relaxation room after my treatment (an excellent facial) I was reading my new Kindle (which, by the way I am in love with) I had to resist the urge to check Facebook (because apparently you can do that on the new Kindle 3G, who knew?!) Why am I so obsessed with being connected? I was perfectly content in that room, reading my book, relaxing music in my ears. Why was I being tempted by Facebook? Why was I not content to live my life in real time? I wanted to live it online too- to share it with cyberspace

I think it lies in some of my own insecurities. I feel like I need others to give myself worth, but I have often felt like I am not seen. Not the funniest, not the prettiest, not the most intelligent. I think it’s the curse of being a woman, we all have our little insecurities that we know are completely unreasonable, but we indulge them anyway! It’s not as if i’m afraid of my own company. I don’t mind being on my own, in fact I actually quite enjoy solitude and space to be alone with my thoughts, however if life is not shared with others what joy is there in it? It’s like playing an award winning one man show to an empty theatre. Having an audience there doesn’t make the content of the show better or worse, but sharing it with others is what makes the performance worthwhile. The things that I do in my life aren’t going to be more spectacular just because there’s someone there to tell about them, but it does make life a bit more fun. And lets face it, a play of my life would be award winning!!

When I was in Ibiza with 24/7 prayer this summer I got to meet a lot of new and interesting people. As a way to get to know each other we each got to ask a question every time we were at the dinner table (mainly because that was the easiest place to get everyone together at once!) The questions ranged from silly things like your favourite colour, to the deep stuff like your greatest fear. My favourite question, which I still don’t really have an answer to was;
‘If you were a stick of rock, what words would be written in your core’
You see there are a lot of things I like; cricket, Holby City, cheese, violin, my friends, literature, skiing, chutneys, shooting, excellent food. All good things and all part of who I am, but I don’t think any of these things are what makes me ME at the core of my being.
Two things that make me tick are community and conversation. I love people, especially interesting people and save my old history teacher I have yet to meet an uninteresting person. I love hearing peoples stories and I love just being with people, it lifts my spirits and makes me feel like I belong somewhere, which I think is important.

I find nursing homes the most wonderful and depressing places on the planet. Wonderful because of all that life experience, all that knowlege, all those stories in one place and depressing because they are just sitting on wipe down armchairs with birds in cages waiting for the end. Whenever I think about how I would like my life to turn out, I never see the perfect house, the dream wedding, the wonderful husband and the 2.3 children and a dog. Instead I think about the places i'd like to go, the people I would like to meet and the things I'd like to discover. When I'm old and I look back at my life and the person i've become I want to think 'yea, I had a great time on this wonderful, awe-inspiring and diverse planet.'

Spiced Parsnip Soup

2011-12-21T20:30:00.000Z

My house smells divine! I have just made the most delicious spiced parsnip soup... If I do say so myself

from

to...

RECEPIE
300g of chopped Parsnips
150g chopped Potato
2 medium onions
2 cloves of garlic
50g butter
1 Tablespoon Curry powder
1.2 Litres of vegetable stock
1 block creamed coconut

Method
1. Melt butter in a saucepan and add chopped garlic and onions. Cook for 5 minutes without browning
2. Add the stock, chopped potatoes, parsnips, creamed coconut and curry powder
3. Simmer for 20-25 minutes or until parsnips are tender
4. Blend the soup until smooth

I garnished mine with a little double cream and some tobacco onions (fry a thinly chopped onion coated in flour and paprika)

It was YUMMY! A real winter warmer treat!

Christmas Shopping

2011-12-21T12:28:00.000Z

I like Christmas shopping- don't get me wrong. But sometimes It just feels oh so very monotonous!

I have had a ridiculously unproductive week this week. It's been awesome! I've been to some great local gigs, drunk mulled wine with good friends and had new adventures. I'm pretty happy right now sitting in bed, typing this! However, i'm simply delaying the inevitable. At some stage in the next hour I will get out of bed, brave the cold and the crazy shoppers and make my way into the city centre to do my last bits of shopping.

Wish me luck

The Global Coffee Establishment

2011-12-19T15:46:00.000Z

On days when everything I love about this city vanishes, when grey skies erase Harland and Wolf, when Napoleon and his nose appear to never have existed, I like to go somewhere that feels safe. Somewhere that never changes, a place that appears in countries the world over. Indeed it is only when claustrophobic skies erase the identity of my city that I am happy to pay a visit to the global coffee shop.
Coming from the rain into the embrace of a myriad of roasting aromas is heaven. The finest Columbian and Ethiopian blends hang in the air, the familiarity of them like walking into a full bodied hug.

An unexpected but pleasant chat with friends reminds me of the warmth of the heart of this city, even on the very cruelest of days. When you consider it, this is really quite a homely establishment, once, of course, you see past the furniture and decor that is recreated in 17,000 stores in 55 countries. I am unsure if my rudimentary google on my smartphone has produced figures that would stand up in a court, but I am reasonably sure that they are more transparent than George Galloway’s quest to reinstate capital punishment. (A topic of conversation from earlier spontaneity.)
The music transports me to a Speakeasy in Chicago surrounded by a jazz band, friends sipping rum cocktails and ladies with pearls, possibly diamonds hanging from their necks. A burst of cold air from the opening door reminds me that I am not.
Behind the coffee bar Stu works his magic. The hiss and steam and froth transform solid and liquid into little drops of heaven poured from his hand. The green apron worn by thousands of employees the world over tries to hide his closet ghetto obsession, but it can’t quite erase the green in his eyes as he considers the feelings his girlfriend Emma holds toward Rihanna. Nor his conviction that all this country needs to kick start the economy are a few more R&B superstars annoying local farmers and filming in our ‘ghettos’.

As the minutes tick by people trickle in and out, a near constant stream of customers all escaping the driving rain. My coffee, now as cold as the rain outside, declares that it is time to move on. And as I step outside into my city again I leave the bustling coffee shop to it’s global work.

On my journey home I spy Sampson and Goliath peeking through a tiny patch of blue.

A welcome return

2011-12-19T13:03:00.000Z

Over the past few years I have neglected any kind of regular blog. I've put things up on blogs here and there, and used 'notes' on Facebook a lot, but I'm going to try and make a return to regular blogging. Stay tuned for an assortment of oddities

Our hearts are heavy and light

2009-02-16T18:16:00.000Z

On Saturday 14th of February we learned of the death of a good friend.

Cliff Magill was a rough sleeper, homeless, destitute, down and out, whatever you want to call him. But he was our friend. Late last year he got a house and we loved him. My friend wrote this in tribute:

Today one of the great men passed away,clifford magill, cliff, weecliff, cliffy boy, santa claus, uncle clifford. He meant so much to so many people, though he was estranged from his family, he made new friends he found new families, he touched people's lives.

He was always so full of joy, never failing to say a "what about ye kid?" "how ye doin girl" "Any change (just for laughs)" there was no pride with cliff, no airs and graces he made himself vulnerable, he made himself real, he let people into his life and people in turn responded to the love he gave. His love was agapé love, unconditional. Even when he was sometimes "over the rainbow" on alcohol it made no difference cliff was cliff. He was raw and unashamed, as one of my friends described Belfast as having grotty charm..i think cliff embodied this, sure sometimes he smelt but who cared his gentleness, and joyfulness overcame and you soon too picked up the Jesus aroma.

This guy had barely any possessions, his riches lay in his character and sincerity, that cheeky toothy grin, the big hoarsey laugh, his bluesy voice singing the fact that out of his nothing he'd want to get you a coffee.

And yet I just smile when i think how he now is living in a mansion of gold, free from the temtation of drugs and alcohol, free from people's sneers, free from depravity, he's richer than any of us on earth now. I can't wait to get up there to see him and to here that what about ye kid once again and get a big huge hug.

I also just want to give thanks too for his beautiful heart, his willingness to stand up for other homeless people, to see that no girl was harmed, too see people done right by. How many of us are seeing these simple things through? Cliff happy birthday, I cant wait to party with you in Heaven, i just hope there are plenty of Bishops chip shops that we can sing badly out of tune beside!somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that i dream of, once in a lullaby, cya there kid.

I have my own special memories too:

I remember the first night I met you, I sat down and you offered me your blanket because it was freezing
Your presence gave the street character
Even though you had nothing, you were not short of things to give us
You gave us your love, your heart, your failures and your hopes
Your singing and charm made you endearing to everyone
You tried to get me to 'tap' the passers by and sent me to buy you cigarettes. I teased you about it being uncool to smoke these days.
The patch was not merley a space, a location or a bed it was Our church
Ours to hope, to dream and to see love in action
You bought me a cup of tea, and told me Halowee'n was the best night to be out because it was entertaining to see the 'Young ones having fun'
You told me off for walking without a boy and always made me smile.
I never tasted the coffee and I guess it wasn't the best, but half an hour with you always taught me imeasurably more than the numerous classes you made me late for!
I guess what i'm trying to say is thank-you. Thank-you for the things you taught me, the good times, and the hard times, your smile, generosity and all round amazing character. I hope you've found your place 'over the rainbow' and I can't wait to get to heaven and spend time with you again, maybe i'll even try the coffee!

You were loved. I'll miss you Cliff

Wanted- Manly Man

2008-04-10T17:29:00.000+01:00

I want a man like this!

Extracts from 'Manly man' by Bradley Hathaway

Like David I want to be a man after God's own heart.
I'm not there yet, but I'm past the start.

And when people talk
I try to listen a spirit of compassion
That's my vision.
Surely I am a Manly Man
I want to be loved
and have love and give Love.
(and not just that romantic kind either)

Although I am looking for that beauty
Not helpless But wants to be rescued.
The Damsel in distress
Man
Woman
Myth
True.

I will fight for her.

Climb the highest tower for her

Love her.

Share with her.

Delight in her.

Be her warrior.

Her protector.

She will be my crown
and I will be hers.

My Masculinity will be passed down
and affirmed to my sons.

Each of my daughters will know they are lovely
and deserving of authentic romance.

Society tells me all day long

That I have defined manhood completely wrong.

But you ask any honest man and he will agree
You ask any honest woman and she too will see

That I am a Manly Man!

Belfasts Motto

2008-04-09T21:06:00.000+01:00

So today I joined a choir thats coming together especially for the Centenary celebrations at Queens. And we are singing the most beautiful newly written song about Belfast, Queens and just general lovely stuff. One of the *composers notes* on the music says;

"Pro tanto quid retribuamus" which translates as "In return for so much, what will we give back?"

I was just thinking about that for ages, and how God is making the most amazing things happen in Belfast. For all that he has given us in this beautiful and wonderful city which i am so passionate about, what will I give back?
How can I ever give something back to a city which I have fallen in love with, which my heart has broken for? For a city so broken and divided but yet so full of hope? There's hope written on the walls, on the pavements and in our hearts.

What can I do but whisper that hope? Whisper into the darkness and try to find the light hidden there